Relationship with the Father requires you to grow from infancy in faith to a place of maturity. And His grace covers you while you grow.
“The Child continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him.”
Luke 2:40 NASB1995
Even Jesus needed God’s grace as he grew in wisdom, from a child to a man. I used to call my understanding level as “J.V. Jesus” because I felt like I oversimplified things or had to get clarification on subjects in the Bible everyone else seemed to know immediately (or worse, had opinions about)… I was definitely not on the varsity Jesus team. But the truth is, “J.V. Jesus” was my way of deflecting when I felt inadequate or stupid, when I couldn’t help but compare myself to my husband, or my small group friends, or even the people teaching my Bible studies. Seriously, I was embarrassed that I was having to ask questions about the Bible from people who were there to teach me about the Bible. I was definitely not spiritually mature then. I wouldn’t say I am spiritually mature now.
In fact, I keep reminding myself I am only a toddler really in my relationship with God; I have been pursuing a relationship with Christ for less than three years. I struggle with all kinds of things still, and sometimes refuse to pray about things that are crushing me. My husband often asks me these days if I have “prayed about it” when I come to him feeling out of sorts about whatever “it” happens to be that day. I gave him permission to ask me if I had “prayed about it” one day over a year ago, after I began to see his genuine care for me in the question, rather than a flippant response or a useless option. I forced myself to pray for the first 18 months of this journey, and felt like an utter failure at it most of the time. It’s only been recently, maybe the last 6 months, that I have really been able to pray spontaneously when I am alone. It’s been even less time that I have been able to comfortably pray out loud with my husband or for someone in our small group, maybe 4 months now? And not always, either. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I have enough words to string together a whole sentence, yet alone speak something encouraging and hopeful and on point. And when I do find the words to pray authentically, I scarcely remember most of what just fell out of my mouth. I guess that much hasn’t changed since I was an actual toddler. Once I found my voice, I had plenty to say, and once I had the vocabulary to back up the feelings, you were going to hear all about it.
My husband has been on the receiving end of my need to talk things to death, or use words as a barrage of weapon fire to win arguments at times throughout the entire course of our marriage. I know our relationship is not unique in this sense, because I hear similar stories from friends. Especially when it involves something I am passionate about….and I can get passionate about a lot of things (the way he organized the pantry, folded the clothes, didn’t read my mind correctly). I just get so worked up that I can’t stop talking! I just need him to understand my point!
One day I was arguing (passionately explaining why I was right about something completely unimportant) with my husband, and the Holy Spirit absolutely spoke to me. Clear as day, I heard, “Submit and Receive.” I straight up started stomping my foot and throwing a tantrum about it. 🤦🏼♀️ Not my finest moment. But I had been so caught up in my own feelings, my own words, that I couldn’t just shut my mouth and listen to my husband (I REALLY struggle with submission in all forms; I could write pages on my own willfulness). So I stopped. Stop moving, stop talking, be still. Submit in this moment, receive the blessing of obedience. Then I cried a little bit, told my husband what the Holy Spirit spoke to me, and sat down on the bed with him to listen to what he had to say. And we were able to connect and be productive, and move on together with our day. I just had to submit my need to be right, listen to my husband, and receive the peace that comes with harmony in my marriage.
I agreed to listen when God spoke to me, and I am working on how to live in the moments between those moments. I have to work on self-control, on submitting to my husband rather than dying on the hill of being right, so I can see the good fruits of these good habits. I see the growth, and it makes me want more.
God, You designed me to walk hand in hand with You. I’m learning, God. I’m trying to hold Your hand and learn to walk step in step with the Holy Spirit. Between my toddler tantrums, stumbles, and just plain willfulness some days…. I do want to be in step with You, Oh my God, and I am so thankful for Your grace each time I fall. I know You are a good Father, loving me through all these changes, all of this ridiculous growth. You are always there, smiling as You see how much I have already learned, how much progress I have made. You are always there, helping me back on my feet, steering me on the path to righteousness. Thank you, Abba Daddy, for holding me as I toddle toward the life You have for me.
“Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. -He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.”-
Ephesians 4:14-16 NLT
Chelsea Finds Jesus 
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