Chelsea Finds Jesus

I have been a Registered Nurse longer than I have been a Christian, and my husband has been in law enforcement for years now. Our professions allow us to fragment ourselves, keeping one part of ourself reserved for work, one part for home. In fact, our professions are two of the most archaic in terms of proactively addressing the holistic health of the professional. We don’t talk about mental health. We don’t look at divorce rates or affairs for first responders. Or alcoholism, or substance abuse, or PTSD. These are the fruits of living with a divided heart. As I served and cared for other people, the places in my heart that I kept hidden from my husband began to crack, and my marriage began to crumble. I found myself once again chained to an addiction, trying to pretend I could keep it all under control, pretend it was possible to help heal people while I was killing myself. I thought my marriage was better than it had been because we were both working, making money, raising kids together. But the truth is, until we had to pick up the pieces of a broken marriage together and give them to God to restore, I was only living waiting for death.

But isn’t that what makes God so amazing? We offered our marriage to Him, and He has restored it. More than that, He has healed places in our marriage that I thought would always be a source of pain or regret. Pieces that I tried to hide, or bury, or fix on my own were being made right in His hands. My husband held as many broken pieces as I did, and needed God as much as I did.

Don’t get me wrong- this hasn’t been instantaneous or easy, and it is a work in progress (like most everything), but today I can confidently say that I have a marriage that includes two present people both working for the same thing. Today it isn’t about staying together for convenience or out of fear of losing the status quo. Today my marriage is full of hope, and I finally feel like God has breathed life once again into our home. My marriage is stronger and more beautiful because God repaired the broken pieces.

God, thank You for restoring my marriage. Thank You for holding all the broken pieces of our hearts, and for Your faithfulness to us. God, I ask you to remove anything that is no longer serving a purpose in my marriage, and gently bring to the surface things that wounded us or lies we have believed so that we may work through healing. I pray for my marriage to continue to be healed in Your name, Jesus. I ask for deepening intimacy with my husband, and the ability to share faithfully what we have learned in our marriage. Please, Jesus, protect our hearts when we are vulnerable with each other, and honor our obedience to You. Let us walk together toward You, learning how to bring the best out in each other, forgiving each other’s mistakes. We are getting stronger everyday. Together. Amen.