I heard a sermon the other day (read: sometime in the last six months or so) from Elevation Church. The standout message I heard was this: Something could happen right now in your life that would make everything else irrelevant. Ask yourself: If you lost your family, what would you give to get them back? Everything. So what do you already have? Everything. Boom. I love my family, I’m so grateful for them, they are my everything. Check, check, check.
So why do I sometimes want to punch these people that I love so much in the face so hard?
“Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper— it only leads to harm.”
Psalms 37:8 NLT
Listen, I have issues. Don’t we all, right? But I also happen to be part of a ministry that is focused on relational wholeness and freedom, so eventually I know imma hafta deal wit it. Hooray. In an effort to narrow down my (probably) endless mental list of offenses to something more manageable for my psyche, I did something crazy. I asked the Holy Spirit, “What do I need to deal with in my life?” and immediately I knew my rage is causing harm in my family. Oh, wow. Well, that list got real narrow, real quick, didn’t it God?
Immediately, a fragment of a verse came back (I certainly never get perfectly memorized verses with citation), something about the path to life is narrow…..
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.”
Matthew 7:13 NASB1995
Yes! This. The path is getting more narrow as I walk toward God, but it’s supposed to be. I am no longer the girl I was, and I am not yet who God has planned for me. My past no longer has a hold on me, and I do not have to rely on my own strength anymore. I’m no longer fighting the battle to stay married, stay sober, but I am free to focus now on the fine tuning of myself. I am asking God to work on my (least) favorite emotion, the one I have such a toxic working relationship with, the frenemy of my heart, my anger. It’s time to see a victory over the emotion that has caused more harm to relationships in my life than any other.
Until I explore the roots of this behavior, cut out the vines of lies that have been growing in my heart, and let God grow something new in me instead, my rage will continue to choke out any lasting progress in my life. Ugh… But good visual, right?
This kind of heart work is often ugly, painful, and full of tears for me. But my temper already is ugly, painful, and full of tears for my entire family. So while I dig in and dig out the roots that are causing my stunted ability to handle conflict, I have to keep focus on what Jesus is doing in my family. Breaking generational tactics and coping mechanisms, recognizing that my ability to live in unity with other people is what it is to be mature in my faith, these are my goals. I want to be someone that lives in freedom, not bound to my reactions, or wasting time making amends for behavior that I haven’t been willing to change. I want to give God what is no longer true, useful, acceptable, or helpful to my life, and ask Him to replace it with something that brings life to His Kingdom. I want to experience the joy on the other side of this breakthrough.
“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:29-32 NLT
So, not only is my temper an issue, but I happen to swear like a sailor. And I found myself openly cursing at my kid a couple months ago, and I was shocked at my own voice. Not unrelatedly, I started homeschooling a couple of my kids this last fall. It has been a harrowing adventure, to be sure. But devolving in my ability to handle conflict when I am attempting to parent and teach tiny versions of my husband and I….. Well, it sounds like humility, honesty, and accountability are on the table for me again. If I can practice these things when I find myself on the wrong side of sorry, I can begin the work of repairing the damage to relationships. And if I practice some kindness to the people I love more than anything, I may just get to skip the whole apology later, and get to experience the joy already set before me. It’s the same principle God has told me before: “Submit and receive.” Submit my life to Christ, submit my will to God’s, submit my need for control, submit my expectations of my family, submit my fears about the future, submit my disappointments, submit my life to God’s plan for it.
What do you have if you have salvation? Everything. God has given you everything. How could I not want to honor Him by living righteously*? Not just saved, but free.
God, thank You for my salvation. You truly showed selfless complete love when you died for me on the cross. God, help me to see the truth of your Love for me when my temper flares, and remind me of my love for those I would hurt with my words. God, I want to live a life of peaceful unity with my family. Holy Spirit, fill me with your presence, so that my flesh is but a vessel for You, that my own wounds and desires would not drive my reactions. You have given me everything, and I have the responsibility of caring for it. It is not enough for me to just be saved, but I have to continue to put off my old self, so that I can become more like You.
*Side note, I have an incredible friend who has been discipling me for a while (I did not realize that is what has been happening until this exact moment, in fact). More on that in a future post, though. This friend bought me a new Bible recently. The Bible I have been using for the last 2 years or so was given to me by our church, and it’s a good Bible for reading, but it lacks depth and complexity at times because of its format. Oh, and that’s another whole conversation about the silly snobbiness I encountered listening to my well-biblically-educated friends discussing the respective values of various translations of the Bible. I laugh now because I am learning how to use multiple translations to hear God’s Word in a way that resonates with me. I would caution people to remember that we are all in the same pursuit. Relationship with God through Christ and unity in relationships here on Earth. I would hope that people see beauty in the ability of the Word of God to reach so many different people, rather than using the differences as a way to place a value on your worth and other’s relationship to God.
**Righteously is a word that I had to relearn. So, I looked it up in my fancy new Bible, and stumbled on this verse too. It’s time to obediently lay down my anger and confidently receive this blessing from God.
“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19-20 NASB1995
Chelsea Finds Jesus 
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