So, with this post (series?) I intend to really push myself to a point of faith and vulnerability that will be undoubtedly uncomfortable for me. I will have to be vague in some things to protect people I love. However, where I can, I intend to be very specific in my prayers, my situation, what I feel like God is saying to me, and how I walk this out intentionally with my husband, me following him as he follows Jesus.
Ok, Reader’s Digest version of the current situation at Casa de Chaos: The last couple years have been exciting to say the least. We thought we were headed down a pretty great life path together (kids growing up, making good money together, making big career moves for both of us), but it was definitely a path to death, and God spun everything around when I got pregnant with baby G in April ‘21. And when the opportunity dried up for my husband to follow his dream career (as he saw it), he settled into life with a newborn, and settled on status quo for his career. In July ‘22, he agreed to me quitting working to raise the kids at home full-time, taking on even more financial responsibility for the family. Now, I am considering a return to working in some capacity, and together, we are trying to decide what God would have us do to manage our finances while also managing our home and ministry commitments.
To that end, I plan to update this post periodically, both as a sign of my faith that God will work this out better than I could orchestrate, and later as a retrospective to see how God’s goodness was poured out on my family during this season. Obedience is a decision, and I am committed to allowing God to work in my life, guiding my steps. Let’s see where He takes us.
3/7/23- Hubby was rocking the workout and healthy eating lifestyle during my last pregnancy, but lost the spark when career disappointment set in, and has been focused on being Dad for the last year. It’s time for him to focus on himself again, because it bleeds over into every other part of his life. I want him to be happier, and I have seen that in him before.
I can see how defeated he feels right now, and I don’t know how to support him well here, while sticking to our newly tightened budget, or without building resentments that eat away at his and my peace. I need God to help me support my husband, because he was happier and more driven and even-keeled when he was pushing his body physically and mentally during runs. I need God to break through to my husband, to break down anything standing in the way of his return to progress, and to speak to him directly. He needs a Word and I need him.
Father God, thank You for caring about my family. Thank You for giving me a husband who is dedicated and responsible and practical, who has dreams that he holds tightly to, hidden from others. Give him the courage to share those dreams and to fully receive the support given to him to chase those dreams. Reignite that spark in him that burns for self-improvement, that recognizes his body was built for strength, and his mind is calmed by physical exertion. Jesus, help me to see when to push him, and when to comfort him, and help me to always point him back to You. Holy Spirit, speak to Phillip when he seeks You. Speak to him when he isn’t ready, where he cannot deny he heard You. Overwhelm him with Your goodness like You do for me. Let Your presence push out all the doubts and fears and regrets that weigh him down, and fill him with Your power instead. Holy Spirit, guide the choices I make. I want to create a space that You fill within me. I want to be the vessel You would use to pour life into my husband. Thank you for this man You have given me. Build him up in this season. I ask all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen. 3/7/23
3/9/23- Last night, my husband and I sat in our car and talked without the distractions of the world competing for our attention. One of the questions he asked struck a chord in me. “Do you want me to stay where I am? Would it be easier on us if I did?” Of course it would be easier to stay stagnant! Of course it is easy to stay stuck. It’s convenient and stable and there is no uncertainly about the (boring and long) road ahead for him right now. But that isn’t what I was thinking. I was instead remembering his commitment to my happiness, his understanding and support when I decided to cut our income in half to stay home with our kids. I was remembering the years of sacrifices he made when I was in nursing school, of the years when I was too oblivious to see how my self-destructive actions and self-centered desires were causing harm to him and to our family. And I felt completely at peace with my answer. “How could I want anything other than for you to be happy in your work? My job is to support you and encourage you to follow your heart on this. My only goal is to be on your side, so you have peace about whatever decisions you need to make, and can focus on what God would have you do here.”
Chelsea Finds Jesus 
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