Places I have routinely been able to feel the Holy Spirit personally touch my heart or speak directly to me:
- Uninterrupted showers.
- Baking in my kitchen.
- Cleaning my living room.
Wait, what?
Yeah, I know. Who am I even?
But the first time I really felt like I heard God speaking to me was when I found out our youngest was going to be a boy. I was about 13 weeks pregnant with the biggest surprise baby, and I sat in my car alone and spoke to God. “Ok, God. This whole situation is obviously You. You know who I am growing in here, so what is this kid’s name?” Immediately, names started coming to my mind, rapid-fire, and I kept batting them away. “Daniel? Daryl? Baron? No. No. No. Garett? No. Garen? That’s not even a word, God.” Silence. “Um, pretty sure Garen isn’t a name.” Crickets. My brain is never this quiet. “Ok, God, I better Google this.” Turns out, it is an Armenian boys’ name meaning “pathway to God”, a very Old Testament choice in my opinion. “Ok, if You are sure about this…” The hardest part of the whole thing was trying to find words to tell my husband that he couldn’t name our baby, because God had already told me his name. My husband handled that with grace and it made all the difference when I felt so vulnerable and a little crazy telling him the story. It gave me courage to tell other people that God spoke to me, and I fully believe was one of the first acts of obedience I willingly participated in with God. I asked a question, received a Word, and the expectation was on me to do with it what God would have me do. So, I accepted God’s name for my son, and haven’t second guessed that choice once (expect when we tried to find a middle name that would go with it!) since his birth.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;”
Proverbs 3:5 NIV
But the Holy Spirit doesn’t always give me such specific words, sometimes I get a picture, or a sensation, or just a general impression of something.
Recently, I experienced one of those physical touches by the Holy Spirit: A snapshot of my life in that exact moment in time through His lens. He sees me, as I sing worship and bake cookies with my babies. He sees the progress I am making in this life. “Gratitude” by Brandon Lake was blaring on my speaker when I sat down and cried.
I was feeling great after having a week of crossed wires and hurt feelings but real growth in my marriage, and was contemplating taking on a new adventure in social media. I pulled a fresh sheet of cookies out of the oven, smiling as I considered how I had handled these relational issues far better than I have been able to in the past. I had a moment that I felt good about the fighting and mediating and making up, and I stopped listening to the lies in my mind. For just a second, I was truly full of joy with my messy life, and Jesus took the opportunity to step in and share my joy with me.
I know pride is a dirty word in Christianese, but I also know how unworthy I feel most days, in most areas. I was proud of myself for who I am right now, and so was Jesus.
For months now, though, the place I find myself truly praying and talking to and hearing from and arguing with the Holy Spirit has been in the shower. There isn’t much in my life more humbling than coming to God naked as an almost 40yr old mom of four.
This morning was one of those times I intentionally sought God when I stepped into the shower. It has been a week of wrestling with career choices, desires, and old habits reared their ugly heads. I was willful and chose not to seek God. I justified my behaviors, I pouted about my situation, and I isolated from people with whom I agreed to be accountable. And guess what? It wasn’t good. If I gave myself some grace, I would say that quickly confessing my sin to my husband and then my friend, talking about it openly, not staying in the spiral for days or weeks… these are big improvements in my life. But I still didn’t feel like I had let it go, and I hadn’t. Today, I needed to spend some time repenting to God, laying it down before him.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1:9 NASB1995
I told my family I was checking out from all responsibilities, cutting off all communication, and don’t knock on my door unless the ambulance is on the way. I do not care about your squabbling, nor do I want to hear about MineCraft or look at what is in your hand. Feed yourself whatever you can find.
I cranked up worship music (I have a Spotify playlist that really helps me connect with the Holy Spirit), locked the bathroom door, and turned on the shower.
Ever the practical woman, I started scrubbing and shampooing, singing along to the music. But lyrics quickly started speaking to me, and I started singing to God. I was overwhelmed by the events of the past few days, and filled with shame for my behavior. I started to cry, and said out loud, “I’m sorry, God.” The tears flooded my eyes, and I realized that I can only be as free from this sin as I am willing to repent for it. I chose to act like Old Chelsea, and rejected God’s place in my life. Only by humbly admitting my sin would I receive any relief from the shame. I went to my knees in the running shower, and began to think again.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.”
Psalms 139:23-24 NASB1995
“I’m sorry, God, for my behavior. I’m sorry that I didn’t come to You. I’m sorry that I willfully decided to grab some beers rather than pray about my feelings. I’m sorry that I chose to fight with my husband, and not talk to him about how I was feeling. I’m sorry that I isolated from everyone, and for the angry outbursts I spewed on my family. I’m sorry that I chose my old self over You. I don’t want that life. I want You, I want to see what You are building in me, I want to be who You see.” At this point, I am sobbing, both with humility and relief. Later, I will be grumbling about sore knees and getting old, but even that helped me remember the lesson a bit longer. “Holy Spirit, please fill me. I want the power to be the woman You are know I am. Please, give me strength to get through this day, and get back on track. I know I haven’t lost everything, so turn this back to good, and don’t let this derail all that we have been working on. Help me be my best Me.” And I felt God’s grace wash over me like the water streaming down my skin. I guess the shower actually is the perfect place for God to wash away the shame of my mistakes. And I felt His presence in that moment, urging me to stand back up, and lift my head again, and step back into the role He has put me in- Chelsea, Chaos Coordinator for the Reeves Clan. Jesus, You said I am the right person for this job. You chose me as the mother of these children, as his wife. I hoisted myself carefully off the shower floor, and finished rinsing my hair as I once again began belting out worship songs. I couldn’t help but laugh when within a minute, I heard shouts from outside the door for help. “Mom! Dad’s in the bathroom and the baby has poop everywhere!!! Help!” Ok, God. I guess I am back to work.
Thank you, God, for this life You have given me. Thank you for these wild and messy children, and thank You for that solid rock of a man who You chose as my husband. Thank You for being faithful to me, and for never letting me go. Thank You for continuing to make Your presence known to me, and for Your goodness in my life.
I’m just so grateful for all the times I am touched by the Holy Spirit, overwhelmed with Love from God, or seen by Jesus in that moment of weakness or joy. Y’all, apparently, I am a bit of a crier when I get close to God. Aaaaaannnd……that’s a whole other box to unpack another day.
So, how is the Holy Spirit speaking to you today? What are you doing to chase the Holy Spirit?
“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.”
Psalms 34:4 NASB1995
Chelsea Finds Jesus 
Leave a comment