3/24/23- I had to mentally spiral for a couple days after my last post on this subject. Trying to figure out what God wants me to do in this space, what I want for my own life, and what works for my family led me to spinning my mental wheels, and landed me on my ass for a minute, but I’m good today. And Thank You, God, for that! because I just got tossed another curve ball.
I was really struggling to accept the idea that I am not going back into a hospital setting for the foreseeable future. I can recognize how it would be difficult to coordinate with my family, and that our homeschooling would effectively be put on hold while I am working, but the trade offs seemed worth it. Now I see (at least) one of the reasons God was closing that door again for me right now.
My husband found out this week that he will be going back to night shift indefinitely starting next week. Joy.
3/27/23- Here’s what I am set up for this season for my life. I know curveballs and change-ups are coming my way because it’s my husband’s turn in the career game to decide when to swing for the fences again. It’s time for me to sit on the bench and cheer him on (ok, I think I’m done with the baseball references now). Since I took the time to actually write down my feelings and fears, and spent time praying about, I have found peace in the idea that I am not going to be going back to nursing as I did before, because I am not on the same trajectory today. I will not continue to seek a way to return to the life I had before, because I no longer am held in bondage to that life. Again, I have to be clear that when I gave my life to Jesus, I was nowhere near my rock bottom days. If I had been told in March of 2020 that I would spend March of 2023 as a homeschooling, SAHM, I would have sneered and said “Never”. In March of 2021, I would have laughed at the idea. But that “never” is my now, and I am recognizing that God has a way of turning things that I scoff at into some of the best things in my life. He told me that I “should be running my home” and hasn’t given me any indication that I should be changing course now. In fact, I’m getting a bunch of signs that it’s time to batten down the hatches and prepare my house for a storm.
Here are some of the things my red flag radar picked up when I started looking for a job this month: Losing my proof of basic certifications, Microsoft Word suddenly stopping working on both my laptop and then on the main computer so I can no longer update my resume to be accurate, having a total bummer of a recruiter call, finding out my Board Certification has an additional year before it expires 🙌🏻, seeing no jobs that fit my current needs, remembering the 2yr waitlist for day cares in my area, finding no inspiration in a new venture that came my way, routinely having to change up my family’s schedule (both long term and on a daily level)…. I mean, at some point, you call the game on account of rain, right?
3/28/23 (3:54am)- Yet another red flag that trying to squeeze a career into my life right now is going to cause new heartache in my home: I’m awake right now writing while my husband and children sleep. He said last night that he was going to try and stay up to get ready for the switch to nights that starts this week. Well he did. He just went to bed now when I woke up looking for a water cup for the toddler. In the time it took me to get a cup from the kitchen, both of them were snoring. But I’m wide awake now, might as well try to use the time. (I haven’t committed to the idea enough to start a pot of coffee, so who knows if any of these ramblings will make sense in the morning.)
Having 6 people with different sleep schedules and habits living together can cause some major problems in life, at least in my life. And being flexible about what my life looks like right now is paramount to my success in this season. Knowing that I can get a nap in with my baby later today, that I can let the kids sleep in if I want, that I can change bedtimes or school days, these are fruits of being home that I can see. We are no longer bound to the grind of public school drop-offs and a two-income household. I am no longer bound by a work schedule that often required me to prioritize my job over my family or myself. I think God is still working on equipping me to find a balance between work and family. So, awake at 4:30am for no reason? It’s not a red flag, it’s an answered prayer. I finally have the quiet time I have been desperately seeking to put words down.
Thank You, God. Thank You for giving me the flexibility to meet with You here, and for the opportunity to untangle some of the thoughts that have been pulling on me lately. Thank You, for showing me what a gift it is to be free of the entanglement of responsibilities outside of my home or You. Thank you for filling my time with opportunities to grow in my knowledge of You, to serve other people in Your Kingdom, and to care for my family and my husband. Thank you for setting this into motion before I understood what You were doing, and thank You for this revelation now. You are a good, good Father, and You want to grow me without the weight of me carrying too much. Holy Spirit, help me to remember that I have been given the gift of time, and that it is precious. Illuminate places where I am not in step with You, so that I can move. Show me fruits of my obedience to You, that I may continue to pursue the things You delight in. Renew my spirit, refresh my desire for this life You have so graciously given me. Holy Spirit, help me to be an encouragement to Phillip as he pursues his goals. When he shows me the places he feels vulnerable, when he reveals his wounds or fears, please give me words to heal and bring us closer together. Continue to show me places I can spend time with You, times when I can be near You. I need You, Jesus, because I cannot do this on my own. I don’t want to just survive this season of my life, I want to see new growth everywhere I look, and see Your joy in our progress. I will be content in this place, because You have placed me here. I will thrive in this place, because You say I am victorious. I release my desire to work to You, and I ask You to give me a Word to sustain me when I feel resentful or when I want to give up. I am still listening, Lord.
Chelsea Finds Jesus 
Leave a comment