It’s an hour until midnight. Tomorrow will be one month since I said I would study and then try a fast. Guess what? Barring a Holy Spirit moment mid-writing, I am not going to make that happen in my original timeline. I certainly will not be studied on the subject to the extent I had hoped to be. A month seems like a long time until it passes unnoticed. And what a month. Honestly, I should have known I was pushing my limit when I hit publish on Storms and Faith and Fasting. And then, one of the very few people who knows about this secret public blog, came up to me and asked if she could be in on my fasting journey. Sure! I had a whole month, right? (Sorry, Madison.) Nope. It’s a Slow Fast. I’m getting to it, I swear. It just took an extra month to start.
This has been a Slow Fast month, where a day can drag into a week, but a single weekend can immediately revive my spirit and launch me forward into action. I wallowed in the doldrums for a week, and wasted another week trying to process that, but toss in a few intentional events focused on the Holy Spirit and in fellowship with our best friends, the other leaders from Cultivate Relationships… now I feel completely energized, refocused on the path in front of me. But, it’s May! It’s been a whole month somehow. Slow Fast.
Slow Fast. I can’t explain some of the things I experienced over our leaders’ weekend recently, and I don’t think I should, either. Words were spoken that are not mine to repeat, but I personally saw God move radically in more than one person in our group. Those aren’t my stories to share, except to say it changed my heart and I am so grateful for my friends and my husband. It created a level of intimacy and vulnerability that pushed each of us out in faith. A weekend that made me feel like I have been drinking from the garden hose and now someone turned on a hydrant. Slow Fast.
I really wanted to research the biblical “stuff” around fasting before I went off half-cocked or ill-prepared. And I didn’t have enough motivation last month to even start on it, and I certainly am gnashing my teeth a bit at the idea right now. If I don’t read the Scripture, then I can’t be convicted of it. Ha. But really, I am terrified that I will somehow hamper someone else in my attempts to help them, that I will be the reason someone knows a less-than version of Jesus. I could do whatever I wanted and call it fasting and never be accountable if it was just me and the internet. I could even find fifteen good reasons why I can’t fast and never even attempt it. But it changes my level of commitment now that a real-life friend is involved. Now I do feel accountable to God to do my best. I don’t feel like I am ready for God to use. But, I have to trust that God has me right where He wants me, and He will use me with what I have right now.
I could comfortably hide for another decade before intentionally discipling another person. However, I was handed a thought today that I am chewing on:
“You are already making disciples of your children, whether you realize it or not. Are you baptizing them in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirt? Or are you baptizing them in You?”
-Nathan Steel, Spiritual Warfare, 2023. (who is going to get a kick out of this citation later)
I’m pouring into my children’s lives everyday. They are immersed in my company nearly allllllll the time. What are they pouring out that is a reflection of Jesus? What is a reflection of me?
“And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,”
Matthew 28:18-19 NASB1995
Suddenly, I don’t feel like I have all the time in the world to give up my old habits, to work through my old wounds at some unknown future date. Suddenly, I see just how much I am shaping my daughter. What I am modeling to all of my children as appropriate and acceptable for an adult, in marriage, and as a parent. Suddenly, I feel compelled to re-examine how I am running my home, and pray how to better align my heart to God’s so I can be a better reflection of Jesus at all times. Suddenly, fasting and prayer sound like they may be worth the effort now. Slow Fast.
Slow Fast. It took a month to get here. I now am giving myself 24 hrs to start a fast of some kind. With prayer, input from my husband, and whatever I can learn in that time. For the sake of, well, everyone in my life, I will not be doing any kind of extended time without solid food for my first round of fasting. There is no 40 day desert challenge starting here. This will be a Slow Fast, where I don’t actually starve, but maybe wish I did because I am fasting from (dairy, sugar, desserts, etc.). By tomorrow night at this time (ok, it’s 2:00am here now, but you get the point), I will post an update on what I learned, and what I think I should do.
Does this post count as a Slow Fast miracle? God led me to look at the post about fasting exactly an hour before the arbitrary original deadline. He keeps my mind moving along these bunny trails and leading me to see the connections. I’m going to choose to see the Holy Spirit at work in this night, allowing the thoughts to form, and fleshing out the ideas that are so abstract when I start, until the words come tumbling out onto the screen and I see the pieces falling into place. Slow Fast.
2:45am- I will do this. I will not give in to disappointment when I miss the mark or don’t make my own deadlines. I didn’t find time today to study fasting, and I fell asleep before 8pm. But, wide awake now at almost 3am, I know my next practical step. I’m bringing it to my women’s group tonight, and we are going to discuss it together. To Be Continued.
Chelsea Finds Jesus 
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