Chelsea Finds Jesus

G is testing all the limits these days. He managed to squeeze between the stair rails and sneak past the baby gate to get downstairs today. Twice before we were sure how he did it. He’s a quick one. He hasn’t outsmarted zip ties yet, though.

I wonder if God feels that way about me sometimes…. Just giving me a little room to play independently and…How did you get down there? Get back here where I can keep an eye on you!

Having one cupboard that he can consistently break into and destroy is one of my favorite things about my kitchen. The child lock is frequently left open to it, and he never misses a chance to explore.

Here’s the thing, though. He’s a toddler. G is going to test limits, push boundaries, and put himself in danger repeatedly. It’s part of growing up. I can’t keep him from ever falling down; it would be a disservice to his development. I have to guide him, teach him, give him a safe place to practice, and comfort him when he needs me. He has to learn how to stack the cups in the cupboard, and what “No” means when he reaches for my hot coffee. But he also has to successfully navigate getting in and out of the kitchen chairs on his own, and what happens when he pours out the cat’s water on the floor, and how to eat spaghetti without his hands, and how to hold an applesauce pouch without it squirting two feet into the air. It’s messy. Toddlers are messy. Parenting is messy. It’s freaking hard. It’s sometimes a relentless flood of sounds and movement and being touched out and overwhelmed. G is constantly looking to expand his world, to understand cause and effect, to stretch and move his body.

But also…it’s the Best. Ever.

Toddlers are the Best. Ever.

He is experiencing the world and learning new things every day like at no other time in this life. This is my favorite age to parent. Getting to know this little person as he figures out the world has been incredible. Building communication with him is my primary daily focus (that sounds super nerdy. I just mean I speak incessantly and sign repetitively at all times around the house. It’s a mix of H-E-Buddy words of encouragement, Sesame Street counting and phonics from the 1980s-90s, and everything I can remember from Signing Time.) and as he learns signs and words and sounds, his confidence using them around other people is growing too. G has started dazzling FaceTime relatives with his displays of hand gestures and object identification. I feel such profound joy in his accomplishments, of seeing his personality bloom.

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It’s been a while since I wrote anything. There’s been plenty to write about, but the daily adventures and struggles have been so consuming that I haven’t found the space to put things to words. I’m not sure this post is even relevant, but I needed to document what is beautiful in my world right now. This tiny human that God gave me is our family’s biggest source of joy right now.

Father God, thank You for trusting me another time to be a mother. Thank You for the blessing of each of my children. You have given me the desires of my heart when I couldn’t even imagine this reality. God, I am sorry for the times I fail my family. I am sorry for my short temper and my short faith. Jesus, help me to love like You. Grow my faith, and make me good soil to grow my children. Holy Spirit, help me to be attuned to my children. Help me to be gentle, and speak words of love and life over my family. Take from me the anger that burns through relationships, and replace it with compassion that draws my children closer to me. I want to love like You. Amen.